


I Can't Do This On My Own

by Be_My_Lost_Boy



Category: Rhett & Link
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Anxiety, Bittersweet, Dark, Depression, Disability, Drug Use, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay, Hurt/Comfort, Illness, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Love, M/M, Romance, Sad, Suicidal Thoughts, Triggers, randl
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-10
Updated: 2016-06-10
Packaged: 2018-07-13 23:43:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7143251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Be_My_Lost_Boy/pseuds/Be_My_Lost_Boy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Link has an incurable illness yet for the most part keeps quiet about it, until his symptoms worsen. He tries his best to keep a brave face on and off camera but deep down he is scared. He kept this secret even from his best friend, Rhett. With everyone kept in the dark about his condition he is forced to deal with this alone and he doesn't think he can hold on much longer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Can't Do This On My Own

**Author's Note:**

> I don't really expect anyone to read this but I'll post it anyway. Possible Trigger Warning
> 
> I am not looking for any type of sympathy, that was not my motive in writing this fic. I wrote this so I could freely vent about things that I am dealing with in a safe and productive way. Also I found that by putting a character in the same situation that you are in, makes that situation seem less scary or devastating.

Link stared at his reflection in the dressing room mirror that he shared with his best friend Rhett. He sighed as he zipped a loosely fitted hoodie, hiding the bandage from where he got blood work down earlier that morning. This was done partly because he was cold but also because he knew that the Mythical Beasts would comment about it. Stevie knocked on the door, informing her boss that it was time to shoot. Link responded by telling her that he would be there in a moment as he practiced a convincing smile. “Let's get this over with…”

After filming, Link walked back to his office, spending the rest of the day there. The room was quiet, except for the constant clicking of fingers hitting computer keys as the comedy duo replied to emails. It had never been this quiet, usually Rhett was the one that had to tell his partner to shut up and get to work but lately it seemed that the smaller man became more and more withdrawn. “Hey man, what’s been going on? You don’t seem like yourself.” The large man tried to keep his tone casual but he was truly worried for his friend.  
  
“Huh? Oh, yeah, I’m fine.” But in truth Link wasn’t fine. He was sick and had been for awhile. The doctors told him that there wasn’t a cure for his illness but it also wasn’t terminal, unless of course he stopped taking his medicine and completely giving up on taking care of himself. When first given the news about his condition, Link wasn’t sure what to feel. He couldn’t decide on what he would rather have to deal with: being told that he has a disease that will kill him in the next few months. An illness that would set him free of all this torture or that for the rest of his life he will be dependent on medication and limited to so many great things that life had to offer such as some of his favorite foods and activities. Leaning back in his chair, Link ran his long fingers through his soft, dark locks. It was the feeling of cobwebs on his hand that made him look down to see strands of hair. He performed the same gentle motion again, not tugging at any knots or anything yet still had the same results. It wasn't clumps of hair but it was enough to validate that he  _is_ indeed sick.   
  
Up until this point, Link’s illness had only affected his blood and nothing else. So when he was diagnosed it was hard for him to believe it because other than the blood work there was no other indication that anything was wrong. It seemed unreal to him. But now, he was experiencing the physical symptoms and everything suddenly became very real. He brushed the hairs off onto his pants, trying to remain calm to avoid suspicion from the blonde man sitting across from him. _T_ _his is happening. This is **really**_   _fucking happening._  He began to hyperventilate, drawing the attention of boyfriend.  
  
“Link?!” The older man quickly rushed to his partner’s side. “What’s wrong? Talk to me.” He rubbed the brunette’s back in an attempt to calm him. It was so sudden, one minute Link was perfectly fine, typing away on his laptop and now he was crying as he took unnaturally deep breaths. The smaller man’s eyes swelled with tears as he pushed his blood brother away from him, storming out of the door. “LINK!” It took Rhett a moment to gather himself before chasing after the sobbing man.  
  
“Hey boss! How's it going…?” Chase said. The last few words came out much slower than his greeting when he noticed the tears that stained his boss’s face as the tall man ran past him without so much as one word in response. Making a B-line for the exit he ran through a group of Mythical Crew members that were standing around discussing ideas for upcoming episodes. They too saw the tears but it was obvious that Link didn’t see them, he was blinded by the anxiety or sadness or whatever it was that plagued him to have such an intense emotional breakdown in the middle of the day. Rhett stopped a few feet from the exit, placing both hands onto his thighs, trying his best to catch his breath. His back was hurting but so much adrenaline coursed through his veins that he was unable to feel it.  
  
“Rhett, what’s wrong with Link?” Stevie asked, concern in her eyes and a frown on her lips, the rest of the crew shared the same expression.  
  
“I don’t know. A minute ago everything was fine then he started crying and bolted out the door.” He felt so guilty. He knew that Link had been acting more and more distant the last couple of days but he didn’t read too much into it. After being together for as long as they have, it's only natural to want some time apart to keep from killing each other. Never in a million years would he had thought that whatever was bothering Link was powerful enough to make him have such an outburst.  
  
“Go look for him, make sure he’s alright. I’ll send everyone home early.” The thin blonde girl said, giving Rhett a faint smile.  
  
“Thanks Stevie, you’re the best.” He said as he sprinted to the parking lot, starting the engine of the car that the two men shared and drove off in search of his lover. The first place he decided to look was at their home. Link hated when people saw him crying so it was likely that he went there. For the entire drive he kept trying to call the smaller man but his calls went to voice mail each time. “Dammit Link…” Every red light seemed to take an eternity but finally he was home. Rhett pulled the car into the driveway and quickly made a dash for the front door. “Link? Link, baby are you here?” He walked through the house, checking each room until he found his boyfriend curled up on their California King sized bed. “Baby…?” His tone was just above a whisper.  
  
Link was awake but he didn’t answer. Rhett crawled into bed besides the smaller man, taking him into his arms, holding him tightly. “Tell me what’s wrong baby, please you know I’m here to help.”  
  
_But you can’t help...This is out of your control._  The younger man thought to himself. “Nothing’s wrong, Rhett. I’m sorry I left the office like that I just...I’m just stressed.” He shrugged, closing his eyes when he felt a gentle kiss being placed on his head. “I’ll be alright, I promise. Today was just a really bad day.” He was shaking, Rhett could feel it as he held his best friend in his arms but he didn’t say anything, Link would talk when he was ready. The days that followed everything seemed to return to normal and Rhett had almost forgotten about his boyfriend’s going into hysteria. A week or two went by and even Link forgotten about the whole incident until he stepped into the shower, hoping to relax after a long day of work, but his shower was anything but that. Running his fingers through his hair, working the shampoo gently into his scalp his hands were held in bondage by the dark strands of hair, this time more than ever. “What the..?” He repeated his action and received the same results. Link let the water rinse the shampoo out of his hair, not even attempting to touch it, in fear of what would happen. Before stepping out of the shower he gathered up all the hair that had fallen out, tossing it into the trashcan. He changed into a pair of plaid pajama pants and one of Rhett’s shirts, he always wore the older man’s clothing whenever he felt emotionally wrecked. Silently he sat on the couch watching a Netflix documentary about Africa’s Deadliest Animals to keep his mind busy while he let his hair air dry. After one and a half documentaries later, Link’s hair was completely dry.  
  
Slowly, he rose from the couch and walked to the bathroom. Each step he took on the cold, hardwood floor felt as if he was sinking deeper and deeper into quicksand. He turned on the light but stood at the doorway, trying to muster up the courage to walk though the threshold and look at himself in the mirror. Link was still shaking from the amount of hair he had collected and was now paralyzed with fear over the thought of what he now looked like. He held onto the door frame, inching himself into the brightly lit room. To his surprise Link saw no change despite everything that fell out. The brunette allowed himself to relax a bit, relieved at his findings. That night he was able to sleep soundly.  
  
The next morning Link awoke to an empty bed with the smell of pancakes and fresh coffee coming from the kitchen. He smiled, Rhett was so sweet, getting up extra early just to make him breakfast. He truly could not ask for a better lover. Lazily, the smaller man climbed out of bed and began making it,smoothing out the wrinkles of their blanket and straightening the pillows. That is when Link saw it. He stared down at his white pillow and staring back at him was strains of his hair staring back at him, mocking him. In that moment Link felt as frail as glass which someone had just thrown a rock though, shattering him completely, shards flying every which way making it impossible for him to ever be able to collect all the pieces and put himself back together the way he used to be. He couldn’t cry, not with Rhett so close. No, Rhett would surely pick up on his reddened nose and puffy eyes. He brushed the hairs off, pushing the onto the floor before joining his lover in the kitchen.  
  
“Morning babe!” The tall man said cheerfully as he wrapped his strong arms around Link. “Hope ya hungry.” He placed a plate stacked with pancakes onto the middle of the table, setting down two empty plates, one for himself and the other for Link. The younger man had to fake a smile and force down the food. Rhett was an excellent cook but after what he saw a few minutes ago he lost his appetite. He was grateful that Rhett would go out of his way to do something so kind for him but he was too depressed to show any real happiness so for now he had to fake it. The two ate in silence. Once finished Link excused himself to go take his medication, telling Rhett that he will do the dishes when he returns. He opened one orange bottle and swallowed two white pills, chasing it down with a few sips of water. He repeated this process two more times before he felt the same strong arms warm around his thin body once again. “How ya been feeling?” Rhett questioned softly, kissing the shorter man’s temple. “Please don’t lie to me anymore Link, if you’re not feeling well just tell me. I’m here for you baby.”  
  
Link put on a brave face and smiled. The same fake bravery and fake smile that he puts on everyday, fooling the world in a failed attempt to fool himself. “I’m alright, Rhett. Just one of those days ya know? That wasn’t fully a lie it just so happened to be days upon days of feeling this way. Rhett knew about the results of his blood work but there was no way Link would ever tell Rhett about his hair falling out. _He’ll think I’m ugly and leave me for someone prettier...Who could blame him? No one wants to be in a relationship with someone who is sick. I’m losing my hair, I have to depend on theses stupid pills, why doesn’t he just leave me already?_    ** _Because he feels sorry for you  that's why._** His inner demon whispered.  “I’m uh, I’m gonna go for a walk okay? I’ll clean the dishes when I get back.” Link got on his tippytoes to kiss his best friend before changing into a pair of tightly fitted jeans and a Star Wars T shirt.

With both hands in his pockets he walked down the street with no clear destination. He looked at the faces as each person passed wondering to himself if they _too_  had an illness that appeared invisible at first glance. Since he was diagnosed it opened his eyes to the world around him. Everyone he came in contact with he secretly wondered what their situation was. Did they have a history of depression like he did? Did they have an autoimmune disease like he did? Whatever their story, here they were, out and about, enjoying the day; smiling, laughing, enjoying life no matter how short it may be for them. _An internetainer with depression...Heh, well ain’t that a kick in the pants._

 He walked to the train station’s bridge that overlooked a large body of water, leaning against the railing Link watched as the waves rose and fell as the tide crept in. _How strange is it to think that once we die the world keeps on going without even batting an eye at the fact that you’re forever gone?_ The brunette had a lot of thoughts like theses and more often than he would like to admit. It made him realize that he was insignificant in comparison to the world. He tightened his grip on the cold, steel railing. If he were to jump he would only be missed temporarily. The Mythical Beasts would get over it rather quickly, clicking onto the next big YouTube celebrity that peaked their interests, forgetting all about Good Mythical Morning and everything else that he and Rhett built together over the years they spent in the entertainment industry. Rhett...The tall man will most likely be upset for a little longer than his mother or the Beats will but he too will get over the loss, finding someone new who isn’t sick and dependent.

 _Maybe I should jump after all_.


End file.
